Sex is a fantasy energy, like water, comes from the 2 original fantasy dualities, stone VS water. Water is opposite of fire and so sex is a false expression of me as a living, though mayan, beeng. Sex is based in fear and is actually a defence energy whereas stone is attack, poison. Whatever I do in sex I am opposite of its acts. Sex comes from sleep originally and is not chosen.. For me sex is scary as before sex one is concentrated in darkness and light - and Im afraid that it will be one of the most difficult things to overcome as I have an enormous fear about this subject matter. Sexual performance anxiety that is. My first sexual contact was when the fallen gravity raped a void piece of heaven, not the whole heaven of black but a piece, for then the alien, billions of years ago, during the beginning of this universe, made me perform a telepathy blowjob, as the alien himself was raped and attacked by that gravity fal, where he hided in the heavens. Hiding is worse than shown. Degradations by speech are worse than sex itself, though I know this only in knowledge.
Then it became a reaction from me during the strong toxic powers and by a hidden spiritual law I fell when I came from Atlantic where I suffered with degradations and violence and so opposite was me providing good welfare and honour to the scandinavians and when I fell, the white lawed ghostly scandinavian & russian horse licked my penis, me then as a sheep, lawed by cucumber strawberries and cherries, natures penis, that transformed me in the black mountains filled with poison during the sleeping ages, where such food sex is more strong than sex between 2 beeng as is of false prestige, for then to be reacted back the degradations from middle asians and then raped by Hitler, who was lawed as a mushroom and the black horse Shivaya was raped by me, a masculine horse, by that spiritual circle around the globe. Though I am not gay, all are men, even females, as this is a mayan false universe. After Shiva I was raped by Buddha, the cow, then raped by Christ, for then me raping a white wildpig, then I was raped by Mary, the bird, then I raped the wolf, for then by Gandhi, the squirl. Most of such sex was blowjob. I have been raped in earlier lifeforms in this human age animal ghostly mix, by squirlhumans, bullied by before as said the first sexual contact with an original alien, whereas bullying is more sexually empowered than sex itself.
My father raped me before this life bound by my grandfathers telepathy powers, whereas after killing me I turned out dead and so grandpapa actually, the alien, raped himself, though now me as him, spiritually, is difficult to understand. I got judged as a motherfucker, where grandfather gave the sins to me, as I am the unchosen mother of the universe, the sheep lawed by as all by the fallen who is now a nurse in Skien psychiatry and so I reacted back masturbating when I came to Norway when I was 10 years old in my grandmothers house. This in impersonal karma as laws are impersonal, like a person says "Peter!" other person says back "Peter!" its impersonal, as well laws of ancient cycle of sex where I had sex with a wolf, "sex", tried, by law but the wolf ate my dick, for then me to be sent to Gandhi the squirl and be raped.. I had sex with my aunt Kirsten Lilland, "sex", meaning masturbation, where such is a law of the nature, after eating cucembers, cherries and strawberries, more strong sexually cause of lies of expression, appearing as toys, I am lawed to have sex by the black heaven to be sexual with norwegians and scandinavians. Same happend to as well by me masturbating at Lars Magnus Kaasa. If one is used to somethning one gets easily controlled, the whole Atlantic drowned by judgement of purification as is sex, food sex same, as well though it drowned cause of belief of that, by the alien, that scandianvian chickens and white horses were children of life thereby judged as a pedophiler. "The pedophilers will drown.." Bible. Grandmother was the judgement of motherfuckism, my father who raped me, me the unchosen mother of the universe, and sent the demoniac act to the nose pig, Srila Prabhupada, whom sent it back to me and I reacted by magical faith judgements as well by karma reaction of when the species in the world raped me, as again, mother of the universe. That made me hit my father in his head, where psychiatry threatened me to arrest me and send me to a closed jail for psychiatric patients. It is a law in nature, sex then attack. With Heidi my family in Norway, she healed me in fear of blood impurity and I reacted back, as well when I had sex with Shivaya, the sexual energy of laws influenced me to do the same where the sperm was in me that made Heidi in ancient days.. With Ingebjørg Lilland , a wolf, whom purified so much, not only with water but pig condition too, I reacted back the massive purification of their psychotic state. With my mother, masturbation again, i defended long time but Pål Gjerden, my earlier doctor, came and lawed me to have masturbation. A sad story where me and my mother and aunt Ingunn had gone in a store where a doll was there, looking like grandmother, whom instead of giving it to her, when I was to go to Greece as I used in summers, I masturbated at her, the doll, by nature law of ancient days as well as by strong law of my grandfather whom after killing me by lawing Gandhi, I am almost as him, and my grandmother was a pig human, and he had sex with her and so I had sex with the cotton doll. I was and still am ashamed of such behaviour.
"Until you show yourself naked in front of me you will not enter into the king(dom, dumb) of God. " Jesus lawed by alien, my grandfather. So I was lawed to go to a house where a priest was, a though judging priest was of the best there, who had Gandhi in her, who now is sent to an elderly house, lawed there I asked to go to the toilet but had plans of to masturbated, and so I went to the toilet, opened it a bit and hoped she would come and she saw me during masturbation. I made children who as small even are in harshness and shout when they are out.
I am in this scene the unchosen mother of the planet. By such as I have had sexual relations by what maya defines as my children, I have reacted back all this impurity to the world as to defend is unchosen and in coincidence, especially in the ages before with more toxic power, meaning sleeping ages where though the sublte mind carries emotions and thoughts from the past in form of reincarnation. In maya, meaning the illusioned universe, there are no children, all are elderly species. Even to have been purified by wolfs when I was a sheep reacted back sexual contact as the reactive laws are not concrete. Sex for me is in ignorant states, though cant be known, as is in a dreaming changing by knowing energy. When bullied as impure for millions of years ago by the fallen gravity, the nurse in psychiatry and the alien, my grandfather, during the first contact, to remain pure is very difficult as the belief by them makes me more impure.
But I do believe that my sexual fear is stopping me from a normal sexual life, so why does not the mental institutions accept their belief on how social anxiety can be cured, that is facing the fears (When talking about psychological treatment for social anxiety, the most efficient treatment is behavioral-cognitive therapy. This method consists on training a person to detect the thoughts which do not contribute to his quality of life. The behavioral side consists on exposing him In a controlled way to the situations that cause anxiety. Gradually, the anxiety caused by these situations, will decrease to a level that the person can control. - http://www.selfgrowth.com ) and by that overcoming them, and see the sameness of social anxiety with sexual performance anxiety and heal such patients that have that type of mental illnesses ( sexual performance that is) with sexual healing intercourse provided by the female women in free places of nurses working in such institutions? Maybe that is how we can heal sexual performance anxiety..
Well, in the mean time I try to heal myself and use the time I spend inside mental hospitals to, well, relax.. To put it better, heal myself. I believe that sex itself is crazy. To enter means to be a ghost. Btw: Did you know that strawberries, carrots and cherries increase sexual life for men whilest raspberries increase sexual desire for women? Doing it in a surrendering way instead of "i will take this to increase sexual life" works better, as well as, if opposite of such surrendering condition, taking it to punish the fruits, and thereby eat them, for making you lack such energy, instead of to plan your way to increase sexual life, will as well increase sexual energy much more..
One sin, lawed by my grandfather who was lawed by Abdi, the fallen gravity. Zoophilia.
"Do unto others what you would want others do to you." Jesus. "Some dont know the soul at all." Aliens dont know the soul at all, like my grandfather trying to stop smoking but ended up in COPD by fear of a "no to smoke" making him smoke more. He stopped at age 50 or so, smoked totally 20 years. I saw a cat, where my father had gotten it, we had some at home, with white blue eyes, where i was lawed to give soul, toxic, so that they wouldnt drown by their eyes, according to the aliens beliefs. It was opposite scene of when i was lawed by the papalagi book to work for money by making a kiosk, where all, like lao tse lawed me to not work for money. The book speaker of "papalagi" was Moughenda Mikala, who now lives in Gabon. "Who would sell his soul to gain the world but loose it in the end?". So such is opposite, the kitchen was to intake food, the dining room to give out laws and sell, export.
I was afraid and sent good spiritual energy to the siamese cats. I thought Christ was maybe behind me. I had a lot of tention. Where I think he got the cats, or at least where a woman had according to my father lawed by my grandfather, 100 cats in her house, besides there we went and saw a tree and I got an intelligence, originating from my grandfather, saying that tree makes paper, tree bark is more soul than paper and paper is less soul easier to burn and destroy, so it was in the same teaching.
By such toxic energy law to give as soul is duality, i also gave out water, sperm, to the cat in Boe flitavegen 17, where the cat chose to commit suicide afterwards. Some cats had a form of ceremony outside and their harshness of sound was massive, giving me pain. After I had sex, 2 3 times I got psychotic states. The pain sensed from the ceremony was some form of disease given in me.
To defend i had to do nothing and doing nothing is not an action but just coincidence.
"Beware of what you do to the smallest of me, for they see God everywhere." Like cats seeng in dark.
"Whatever you did to the smallest of me you did to the I".